This was a rough week…it was the kind of week when nothing actually changed except my perspective. That can be the hardest change of all. When something is revealed to you that has been a reality for a while but you are only just now seeing it, it can be shocking and even painful. A health issue that had seemed random and fleeting is NOT random nor is it going to be fleeting, at least not quickly or without some real work on my part. And so I had my perspective shifted and it was frustrating! I admit I did not handle it well at first. I returned from the doctor in a funk and stayed that way for several days. I was in pain, scared, angry (mostly at myself, but a little at God too), tired, and I was jealous of those whose lives and ministries were not impeded by such petty things as the tiny unwelcome stones in parts of my body.
I asked Google lots of questions and talked to the one person who almost always has the answers…Mom! 🙂 But ultimately when the silence of the night was pressing in on me my heart began to cry out to God.
Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. Psalm 55:17 (NKJV)
He heard the doctors, He heard my questions, and He heard the comfort and encouragement from my mom. He hears everything that relates to me. He is aware of the things that concern me. He knew about the kidney stones and the gallstones before I did. He saw them coming and to Him this was just another chance for us to get closer. He didn’t force me to eat foods that weren’t good for me so I would develop them; but He was willing to use the pain of that realization to draw me in. Yes, He saw the pain coming but He didn’t laugh and scold me when I came to Him hurting! He listened to me with favor like a mother comforting her scared daughter. He witnessed my pain. He heard me.
I do not know what the next few months and years will hold. I do not have the answers to all my questions yet, even the doctors are stumped right now. But, this is not news to God. He is and has been aware of all the details that it will take months for the doctors to uncover. This is good news! It means that the only thing that has changed this week is my perspective. So today I will say the words of Micah 7:7 with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. I will choose to memorize them and say them in the quiet of the night when doubt tries to steal away my hope.
“As for me, I will look to the Lord for help, I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.” Micah 7:7 (NLT)
~Keri Lee